Every story, every life, is a tapestry woven from countless threads, some vibrant and strong, others faded and frayed. Presently I’m attempting to unravel the intricate fabric of my own existence, the most daunting question arises: where, precisely, does one begin? Early childhood memories, for most, are like fleeting, hazy snapshots, fragments of dreams just beyond reach. They are delicate, almost translucent threads, often disconnected, yet holding the undeniable essence of laughter and tears, the silent witnesses to an innocence that felt both profound and profoundly misunderstood.

This deliberate act of sifting through the archives of my mind, is not just to remember, but to re-understand. For decades, I grappled with a persistent, gnawing question: was there something fundamentally wrong with me? Was I, in some inexplicable, almost monstrous way, an anomaly in a world built for others? This deeply personal exploration is an invitation into the mosaic of moments that have shaped me, now viewed through a lens I only recently acquired – a lens that has transformed the very definition of “monster” into something far more intricate, and ultimately, more human.

This is where that unraveling will happen, thread by thread. It’s an invitation to explore the very fabric of my formative years, from the quiet corners of a childhood in a small town to the often-turbulent classrooms of school, where lessons extended far beyond textbooks. My earliest hobbies, particularly the immersive worlds of video games became more than just pastimes; they were sanctuaries, offering solace and a framework for understanding a world that often felt chaotic.

The threads of family dynamics will be examined, revealing the intricate dance of bonds that sometimes stretched thin, yet always left an enduring mark. You’ll witness the momentous decision to leave Missouri and embark on a new adventure at Job Corps, a place that truly became a launching pad for a different kind of growth. There, amidst new learning and burgeoning skills, I forged profound friendships that would stand the test of time, a testament to finding belonging where it was least expected.

But that time eventually ended, giving way to the exhilarating, often overwhelming, period of my first apartment, a whirlwind of newfound independence. It was a time when love was gained and lost with a raw intensity, and where the sharp lessons of life sometimes led to friendships severed from youthful stupidity. The freedom and responsibility that came with my first car marked another significant step into adulthood, propelling me through further geographic shifts, from leaving Utah after a pivotal chapter, to the unexpected journey of returning to Missouri once more.

That return to Missouri, though brief, offered a period of quiet recalibration. For about three years, I found myself immersed in jobs that, in hindsight, felt like a stark departure from the burgeoning intellectual and personal growth I’d experienced. The rhythmic whirring of machines adding ink to foam cups, the dull, predictable click of assembling plastic boat seats – these were tasks that offered little stimulation for a mind that craved patterns and logic. There was nothing with computers, nothing that engaged the tech skills I’d gained at Job Corps. It was a time of professional stagnation, a quiet frustration simmering beneath the surface. Yet, amidst this vocational lull, the evenings and weekends were a vibrant contrast. This was a period of going out and enjoying life, a youthful exploration of freedom and connection, filled with concerts, bars, and pool games. It was a time of youthful exuberance, but deep down, I knew this wasn’t my ultimate path.

My next home was in California. It was a place I had long envisioned, a land of endless possibilities, and one where the vastness of the ocean held a particular allure for me. While the reality of the Central Valley wasn’t quite the coastal paradise of my dreams, it was still California, a new landscape for new beginnings. During this time, paths converged once more, leading to a period of getting together with my ex and the profound experience of navigating a renewed connection. Professionally, I found myself working for a small-town computer shop, a return to the tech world I had begun to explore, a place where my logical mind could find a different kind of satisfaction. This chapter, rich with personal and professional shifts, unfolded under the California sun, until life’s currents, as they often do, gently but firmly guided us back to Utah.

Once back in Utah, a new chapter unfolded, bringing with it the profound ups and downs of parenthood and marriage. From the unique perspective of an autistic Xennial, I’ll delve into the joys and challenges of raising children, the unexpected lessons learned, and the intricate dance of a marital relationship. This period also chronicles the evolving path of my career, as I navigated roles in companies like Dell, Bask, Ancestry, FireEye, Bluehost, and Overstock, each step a further exploration of my professional identity and capabilities.

Beyond these deeply personal reflections, this space will also hold my thoughts on current things. From the ever-evolving landscape of technology and gaming to observations on societal shifts and cultural phenomena, I’ll offer a unique perspective – one that is, as I now understand, deeply influenced by an autistic mind navigating a neurotypical world.